My Special Levi Time

I feel like Levi has grown up all of a sudden, especially this last month or two. I've found myself getting all weepy thinking about him getting big so fast, and even looking at newborn pictures of him has me in tears. It's kind of pathetic...I mean he's only 4 months old. But I feel like he is already a different baby!


It's so funny how as a parent, you can't wait to see all the milestones, and once they reach one you are already looking forward to the next. This has been going on even since I was pregnant! I couldn't wait to find out if he was a boy or a girl....then I couldn't wait to feel him kick....then I couldn't wait til he was born...and so on. Now I kind of miss feeling those little jabs in my belly and feeling his hiccups (although it is certainly much better being able to actually hold him and see him, I'll admit). The time he was in my womb went so fast but was so special to me, even when I was sick of being pregnant. I could feel every little move he made, and no one else could. I could be sitting in a room full of people, yet only I could have that connection with my baby, and no one else even knew. It was a closeness I will never experience with anyone else.


Once he was out in the world I was sooo looking forward to his first smiles...and then when they came I couldn't wait for his laugh...and him being able to roll over....and him coo-ing...ah I could go on and on. Now I look back and see how much he has grown and matured and how much of a little personality he has and I can't even believe it's the same baby who was just this rubbery, sleeping little blob only 4 months ago. As much as I still find myself saying "Oooh I can't wait until he can talk! Crawl! Walk!", the reality is that I am just fine with waiting. I need to enjoy and savor every single minute I have with him as a baby. And forever, for that matter. So many people have said "Enjoy every stage, it goes by so fast!", and whaddaya know, they're right. I'm trying to just live in the moment and remember these precious times with my baby boy.


As much as I am exhausted and would love a decent night's sleep, I catch myself staring at him while he is in his little bassinet and secretly kind of looking forward to his little middle-of-the-night feeding (not so much the crack of dawn one though :P ) because no matter how big he is now, he turns back into that sleepy little newborn who relied on me and only me for his sustenance. Since I am back to work now, he gets bottles from the Grandmas, Dad, and the daycare lady. He's so alert and interested in what's going on around him now that a lot of the time he just gets too distracted to even nurse when I try to breastfeed him during the day. But in the still of the night, when the world is asleep and our noisy street is finally quiet, he latches on to me and I feel a remnant of that special connection. I sit there and I try to memorize everything about that time, because I know it will be over before I know it. I love the way his eyelashes look so long when I look down on him, and how his little ears move when he suckles, and how his hand reaches up and lays so gently on my chest, and how he rubs his little feet together. It's our special time and I LOVE it.






And I will really, really miss it someday.